1. What Mark Driscoll Really Meant

    Mark Driscoll, mega-pastor and regular embarrassment to Christianity, recently apologized for posting comments on his own church’s message boards under a false identity.  He was careful to identify what he was apologizing for - not the substance, but the style:

    “I was wrong to respond to people the way I did, using the language I used, and I am sorry for it and remain embarrassed by it.”

    Here is some of what he posted, for which is he only regretful and embarrassed by how it was said:

    We live in a completely pussified nation.

    We could get every man, real man as opposed to pussified James Dobson knock-off crying Promise Keeping homoerotic worship loving mama’s boy sensitive emasculated neutered exact male replica evangellyfish, and have a conference in a phone booth. It all began with Adam, the first of the pussified nation, who kept his mouth shut and watched everything fall headlong down the slippery slide of hell/feminism when he shut his mouth and listened to his wife who thought Satan was a good theologian when he should have lead [sic] her and exercised his delegated authority as king of the planet. As a result, he was cursed for listening to his wife and every man since has been his [sic] pussified sit quietly by and watch a nation of men be raised by bitter penis envying burned feministed single mothers who make sure that Johnny grows up to be a very nice woman who sits down to pee.

    It’s really unfortunate that Driscoll used such coarse language and the good news he presents here (that is, that femininity is bad, and that anything bad can be characterized as feminine) cannot be understood.  If only he could control his wild tongue and say the truth without it sounding so mean!

    Well, I feel for the guy and have decided to be his apologist.  Here is what Driscoll was trying to say, minus the offensive language:

    We live in a nation that is much too feminine, and therefore bad.

    Why I might wager - if I could be so bold - that the amount of men completely devoid of feminine/evil influence could easily number between one and five.  Adam, the first man, corrupted by the first women, began the whole sordid affair by trusting the judgment of his wife.  As a result, our whole nation has become more like women, and therefore worse.  In summation, women are bad, they make men bad, and nothing good can come from them.

    I imagine this ought to silence the critics.  Now we can see the truth and beauty behind Driscoll’s course discourse.  All he wants to do is spread the good news of God’s perfect love for all people (except women).

     

  2. thanks.sun

    1. I am thankful that my natural talents allow me to half ass school so that I can spend more time with my family and practice self care.
    2. I am thankful for the church I grew up in.
    3. I am thankful for interpretations of the bible that make so much sense and open up the text to be so much more fruitful.
    4. I am thankful that Alex’s imagination is so fertile and inventive that me might actually be TOO creative for role playing games.
    5. I am thankful that life has taught me how to survive unhealthy people.
     

  3. thanks.sat

    1. I am thankful for sex with my wife, which is always good sex.
    2. I am thankful for sleep.
    3. I am thankful for learning new things.
    4. I am thankful for good conversations.
    5. I am thankful for my baby’s laugh.  And his baby Letterman teeth.
     

  4. thanks.fri

    1. I am thankful for laughing so hard you cry.
    2. I am thankful for last minute schemes that get pulled off amazingly well.
    3. I am thankful for Halloween.
    4. I am thankful for our friends.
    5. I am thankful that one safety pin can turn “noooooooooooo” to “I AM NIGHTWING!!!”
     

  5. thanks.thurs

    1. I am thankful that baby Grayson has had his mom’s full attention for the past 14 months.
    2. And I am thankful that he is handling being away from the both of us pretty well.
    3. I am thankful for a wife who had a tough day today because of how much she loves her family.
    4. I am thankful that I’ve had painful experiences in my life that have helped me work through my inner darkness.
    5. I am thankful for stories.
     

  6. Thanks.Wed

    1. I am thankful for friends who know how to do things I can’t do.
    2. I am thankful for opportunities to teach Alex something.
    3. I am thankful for a wife who feels to me both like home and a place I’ve never been.
    4. I am thankful for the excitement I feel when I discover a new game.
    5. I am thankful for potty humor.
     

  7. Comedy Bang! Bang! Antics

    1. Scott: What is your alien name?
    2. Paul (as Garry Marshall): It is unpronounceable
    3. Scott: hmmm, is it the n-word?
    4. Paul: *breaks character laughing*
    5. Scott: yes, and...!
     
  8. earwolf:

    ICYMI: David Cross & Bob Odenkirk together again on Comedy Bang! Bang!

     
     
  9. prophets.

    (Source: interrobangbangbang)

     
  10. amycoffeefemme:

    Dear Topher

    File under - watch when I’m sad

    (Source: thefaceofamy)